Thank him at his funeral

Gwen Wu continues her tour of the West-side Club distric of Mad City...

Gonna work his way up the ladder

It's been almost a month since the last but here it is finaly, the next page. I'll be doing my best to make sure another lull like this doesnt happen again, I've just been distracted and-to be quite honest-a little afraid.

This story is very much tied to my...problem, so i kept putting it off, trying to avoid it but this was a hump I HAD to get over because I love to do this so much and I realize there are people who love it as well and I dont want to let you down.

Now you may have seen the announcement of a podcast on these here pages and that is definitely coming. It wont be simply about "hate" as we've decided; we've got a new test run sitting on the harddrive and I'm in the middle of editing it down, be on the look out for that within the next day or so.

AmazingI updated on Sunday but havent had a chance to post here yet but better late than never.

Also heres a pic I took from my phone of a page I'm working on; RIOT taking care of a few unsuspecting fools

whoaI've been struggling with addiction to opiates for the last two years, give or take.  When I first said out loud that I had a problem, I was clean for three weeks before I fell back down that old spiral.  I got real help then, I decided to do this on my own, I hated what was becoming of my life; cleaned up in six months and stayed that way for over a year.  I never changed anything though, did I?  I still lived at home, which in and of itself isn't so bad but this is also where the drugs are.  I'm like a alcoholic living in a bar; it makes no sense does it?

I still did my best, hard as it was.  But recently, I've failed and i let myself fall down the old spiral.  I let outside factors and other shitty things completely take me over and I just let myself go.  It sucks how weak I can be.  In that short time I feel as if I've screwed up way way too much; who knows if I really did but I can't let that depress me any further.  I keep crying because I feel like I've ruined something important to me by being self destructive.  You see, that's what they do to me; they make me hateful and angry at everyone.  That's the trade off, the momentary euphoria you can feel after taking one, or five at a time...but then comes the negativity.  It's not worth it.

Its gonna be three days since I've last had a pill. 

I'm sitting here fighting myself...no, not myself. It's me vs. the beast, vs. my addiction--and so far, I'm winning.  I'm planning on moving out because I HAVE to;  I tried staying here but there's just too much stress here, with a family that can't even pretend to get along, with a family that doesn't really understand and, worst of all, with my own personal evils sitting there in a bottle a walk away--I'm done.

I'm strong.  I know I'm strong.  I can and will beat this because I have before...I guess i just don't want to do it alone. 

Deep down, i don't believe I will and I just have to keep thinking positive.

Thank you for reading.

See You In HellI don't know how long this'll last. The sporadic updates I mean.

I keep trying to push through this funk I'm in but it's hard. I feel so alone; I mean, I've realized today that i have like zero real-life friends. Ever since all this happened with my brother, I've heard nothing from anybody. Yeah, I talk to people on the net who i consider my friends, but it's not the same at the end of the day no matter how much I appreciate them (and I do), its no substitute for real human contact. I had friends once, good friends but I dont know what happened, perhaps that's my fault--the one person who was willing to be there i end up accidently pushing away when I needed them the most. Maybe I did that to everyone else too.

Shit, what difference would it make anyway? Even if there was someone in my life that I could see on the regular just to get away from this mess, I cant. I'm stuck here, in this rut. This situation. I can't even leave for five minutes, let alone for a few hours. I dont want anyone to feel guilty or bad for me, I'm not writing these things for that--it's just...I need to vent. I--I'm tumbling down this pit of hate and dispair and I dont know how to dig out of it alone. I guess that's the problem.

I need to fucking shave too.

Anyway, the pages will keep coming; hopefully once a week, but most likely not every single Sunday on the dot like I used to.

Til whenever,

Sketch