See You In HellI don't know how long this'll last. The sporadic updates I mean.

I keep trying to push through this funk I'm in but it's hard. I feel so alone; I mean, I've realized today that i have like zero real-life friends. Ever since all this happened with my brother, I've heard nothing from anybody. Yeah, I talk to people on the net who i consider my friends, but it's not the same at the end of the day no matter how much I appreciate them (and I do), its no substitute for real human contact. I had friends once, good friends but I dont know what happened, perhaps that's my fault--the one person who was willing to be there i end up accidently pushing away when I needed them the most. Maybe I did that to everyone else too.

Shit, what difference would it make anyway? Even if there was someone in my life that I could see on the regular just to get away from this mess, I cant. I'm stuck here, in this rut. This situation. I can't even leave for five minutes, let alone for a few hours. I dont want anyone to feel guilty or bad for me, I'm not writing these things for that--it's just...I need to vent. I--I'm tumbling down this pit of hate and dispair and I dont know how to dig out of it alone. I guess that's the problem.

I need to fucking shave too.

Anyway, the pages will keep coming; hopefully once a week, but most likely not every single Sunday on the dot like I used to.

Til whenever,

Sketch